October 3, 2004

• COCKY MO-FO. I went out last night, in public, with my dh and no children and parlayed in multi-syllabled conversation till the wee hours of the morning. We ate embarrassing amounts of sushi (without embarrassment), strolled (strolled!) across the street for dessert (dessert without smiley faces, cartoon character tie-ins or wrappers) and then saw a movie. Is there anything worse than disappointing dessert? Why can’t anyone in this town make a real cannoli? Dh compared the one he tried last night to a “wine donut.” Now, being a woman who likes both wine and donuts, I take offense at that. Cannolis should have cheese and pistachios. Period. (Shut up and make one, Kim. Okay, fine.) Anyway, I would like to say the movie we saw will have no marketing tie-ins as well, but since it involved zombies, it just might. “Shaun of the Dead.” Very funny. I recommend it, and I don’t generally go in for that sort of thing. Which brings me to my next train of thought…

  ZOMBIES vs. VAMPIRES. While deciding to see the aforementioned movie, I got to thinkin’, “I would never see this movie if it was a vampire flick.” And that started me wondering. Why? Am I not an equal opportunity undead watcher? Apparently not. Vampires, I think, are snotty, what with their fancy fashions, perfect skin and ideolgy (“be one of us!”). Zombies are much more comfortable dressers, move slower and seem to have less lofty ideals (“eat you now”). In other words, I am more like a zombie, at least on the outside. But the more my dh and I discussed this, the more we realized that no matter how snooty, vampires are truly cooler than zombies. For instance, in a restaurant crowded with equal parts zombies and vampires, let’s say Alec Baldwin enters and walks modestly to his reserved table. While the vampires might look up and give a barely perceptible knowing nod as if to say “yo”, the zombies would be the ones spilling their fruity umbrella drinks and yelling “that’s Alex Baldwin!” Dh, in the end had to remove himself from the debate after I reminded him that he is, in fact, undead himself (he has donor bone in his right ankle…along with seven screws and a couple of titanium plates. A story for another day.) Oh, one last thought, I’ve never seen a zombie chick that made me feel bad about myself, whereas vampire gals…well, you get the idea. They’re just so hot. (If you put a corset on a zombie, it might cut her in half.)

  Kim

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