April 6, 2009

• Oops, I did it Again

  
  

  or

   Fooled Me Twice For I Have Sinned…

  Since becoming increasingly bored with the 2,813 songs on my iPod, I have found myself cruising the “dial” on my car radio once again.  As I run my endless errands around town, or drive the miles between my hometown and that of my parents’, I can conveniently flick the scan button on my steering wheel to browse the AM and the FM stratosphere, tuning in on whatever and whomever is in close enough range for my Pioneer to attract.  Most of the time I am not fully focused on the music, but looking for a palatable background for my inner monologue.  After a few weeks of excruciatingly un-scientific research (and no written documentation – it’s all up here, baby), I am prepared to make the following conclusive statements:

   

  1. Christian Rock is Wily.  It takes approximately twenty-seven seconds longer to realize you are listening to Christian Rock than to realize you are listening to plain old suck.  Then you push the scan button because the devil made buttons on steering wheels.  Just for this.
  2. Mexican Music Radio is 1992.  You remember 1992, don’t you?  It was nice and you liked it, so when you hit the Mexican Music Radio stations you forget to keep going.  You leave it.  After a few minutes, maybe after a new song starts, you think, “Wow, this is Mexican Music Radio, it’s not my thing,” and you move along, but really only out of habit.
  3. Mexican Talk Radio is heroin.  You will stop on any Mexican Talk Radio, or Mexican Radio Commercial without even hesitating.  I don’t know if you can possibly hesitate to stop, because that doesn’t make sense, but there it is.  When you realize you are listening to the Spanish language during this last ten miles, you chuckle and think about all the things you believe you’ve just heard him say.  And how handsome he probably is.  But you press on.
  4. Country Music is now, finally, outweighed by Mexican Music.  And that’s okay, because you can understand the words to Country Music and they make you feel bad and stupid and embarrassed to be of the same general gene pool.  At least with the Mexican Music you can imagine they are not singing about a truck and a brand of beer or belt buckle. 
  5. Right Wing Talk Radio will fool you for seven seconds.  And then you remember that the other kind of Talk Radio went under.
  6. Hip Hop Radio glorifies violence, since even the songs that are ant-violence have to rely on the proliferation of violence to be relevant.  And the love songs sound really corny.  So maybe these guys should just be spoken word artists.
  7. If I Hear One More Dramatic Rock Song I Will Crash My Car Just To Kill My Radio.
  8. NPR is flavorless. 
  9. BBC is the new black.

  • 3:52 pm
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