February 24, 2006

• RECENTLY DISCOVERED OPTIONAL DIALOGUE FOR 97.44% OF OLYMPIC ICE DANCING ROUTINES. At least this is my best guess after watching way too much ice dancing, way too late at night.

  Boy/Girl (together): Here we are!
  Boy: I love you
  Girl: I love you, too
  Boy: This is nice, the skating, the dancing
  Girl: Whee!
  Boy: I think I’ll hold you near
  Girl: Wait, I’ve decided I hate you
  Boy: Come back here!
  Girl: No, stay away
  Boy: But we had a love
  Girl: A shameful, hurtful love
  Boy: But who else can please you like this?!
  Girl: I look the other way thusly!!
  Boy: Damnit, wench, you’re mine, now and always!
  Girl: The confusion is making me spin
  Boy: My love lifts you high
  Girl: I melt for you after all
  Boy: We are together again. The happiness makes me giddy. And spin.
  Girl: Whee!
  Boy/Girl (together): Here we are!

  DIZZYING HEIGHTS or JUMP JIVE AND WAIL (or is it TWIST AND SHOUT?). Along with the hours and hours of figure skating, I’ve also been watching the other, less diva-populated sports. Last night I watched the freestlye ski-jumping. Is that what it’s called? It reminded me of the Summer Olympics’ high dive competition for two reasons: 1) they start up high and end down low, 2) I have no idea how to watch them twist, turn or flip. Really. The commentator can detail every double or triple this or that, and I can be staring at the athlete in action, and I still cannot tell what’s going on. “Aaaww…” the informed announcer will say, “He tried for a triple and had to pull out at the double, leaving the last three-quarters of the twist for his next run.” Really? I would have probably just said, “Wow! Look at him go,” every time, for every jump. I would know when to throw in, “Well, he fell down that time,” or maybe “His outfit is white with blue stripes,” and I can spot a good landing from a bad. But please, tell me I’m not the only one who feels like I’m watching my blender while making a smoothie, trying to find the banana in the whirlwind.

  Kim

  • 11:20 pm
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