November 11, 2007
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DOES THIS COME IN PLAID or HEY, GIFT HORSE! OPEN YOUR DAMNED MOUTH!
I think it’s been well-established that I‘ve been at various times in my life, difficult, petulant, perhaps not the bubbliest bottle of pop on the sodashelf. So it may not surprise you if I pose this ungratefully tinged question:
? ? ? ? ? ?
Have
you ever received a gift, and on the outside you are gracious, thankful
and appreciative, perhaps making appearances at using, wearing or
otherwise incorporating said gift into your life. However, on the
inside, maybe way deep down, deeper than you even realize, you may be
thinking, “I don’t like this gift.” Perhaps, “This gift is not what I
asked for. It’s not my color, size or style, and in fact takes more
effort on my part to tend to, dust, launder or upkeep than I am even
remotely interested in feigning.”I admit that I have
received gifts that have actually stirred anger in me. Prompted
feelings or, “What the hell – don’t you know me? Am I expected to keep
this? If I pretend to like this are you going to blow it again next
year because I’m encouraging such awful behavior?”Now, let
me point out that I do not feel that way often (maybe once every 28
days or so, and the coincidence of receiving a gift on those special
days are thankfully rare.) I mostly felt this bad-gift rage in my
late-teens and early twenties, when I was quite focused on chiseling my
identity out of the limestone and tears that this world had provided me, and the affront of unwrapping a holiday-themed fuzzy sweater
during my black-on-black days did not sit well. Irony wasn’t the new
black – yet.Also to consider, the German word for poison is…gift.
I have recently attended memorials for, or spoken to dear friends of, young vibrant parents struck down in their relative youth by cancer of one sort or another. Both were women with a child or children. One in her 40′s, one in her 50′s. One a gifted therapist and communicator, a healer. One a talented creative force and community maker. I didn’t know either well, but knew family or inner circle loved ones well. The stories at the memorial I attended were uplifting and the mood joyous. The lesson given and taken away from both instances was verbalized to me the same way:
Treat every day as if it were a gift.
Treat life as if it were a gft.
(ummm…See paragraph 1)
Here is where you will start to shake your head and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. You will not be the first, and you will not be alone.It’s not what I asked for. Not my size, color, style. It takes more effort to tend to than I am interested in feigning. Some people receive great gifts. Some people are appreciative of any gift. Some people would not be happy with the best gift of all.
I am clearly not trained in enough meditative healing, quiet contemplative searching, or, most importantly, spontaneous joy and discovery in the moment to treat each day as if it were a gift. That would probably require ‘being in the moment’, ‘being here now,’ or ‘being present,’ all super soundings ways of saying “stop thinking of what you just did, how you blew it and should have done it better, OR what you’re on your way to do later and how it could go wrong in three different ways.”
If I’m starting to get the idea of all these concepts put together, I’m thinking it’s:
Treat each day like it’s a gift (not necessarily one you like, but one you didn’t have to do anything to get, and nothing is expected in return; do with it what you want – even piss it away.)
Treat life as a gift, not as a playback mechanism for fouled plays, or planning sessions for future situations. Treat life like it is…right now…and there. Did you like that one bit of life right there? And now there’s another one, just then when you were wondering why you never became a test pilot. Oops, you just missed another one while thinking about how much weight you’d actually have to lose before allowing yourself to be seen by your ex-lover. That one you missed had a pretty bird in it and was very symbolic of change or flight or something, but no matter. It’s gone. Pay attention.Treat today like it is a gift. Unwrap the paper. Don’t rip it. We can re-use it. Fold it nicely. Careful with the box, it’s pretty. There’s cotton for protection and a jar…enameled…with creme inside. It’s so beautiful and luxe. Open it up and it is the creamiest richest cream ever. But it is scented with vanilla and it repels you. (Hint – Don’t complain – give it to the girl down the all who loves the smell and open your window for another gift. Hint – Enjoy the view while you’re waiting.)
Like a gift.
Like a gift.
Who do I thank?
Kim
