April 15, 2005
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LITTLE PIG , LITTLE PIG, LET ME IN. NOT BY THE…AAARRGHHH! While innocently giving my face and neck a loving once over in the bathroom mirror this afternoon while i washed my hands, I was horrified to find a hair growing out of the bottom of my chinny chin chin. This was not the first, nor will it be that last hair to grace my chin. After all, I am a forty-one year old woman. I have borne three children. I have Polish ancestry. So, it was not the hair itself, nor its length (somewhere in the 3/4 inch category) that shocked me, but the fact that not a single one of my friends notified me at any time BEFORE the 3/4 inch mark that this hair was becoming unwieldly. This hair, let’s call it The Stray Einstein Hair, could have been pointed out at, say, 1/4 inch, 1/2 inch, or really at any visibla inverval. How I missed this subversive growth spurt is beyond me, but let’s be reasonable – it’s under my chin. Most of the interesting parts of my day take place…not under my chin. How all of my friends (and my husband) conspired against me, nee, continually conspire in silence every time one of these crazy things pops up is just getting out of hand. Every few days I do a chin-check. Monday: clear. Thursday: clear. Sunday: 3/4 inch Einstein Hair!
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I propose that we (who? I don’t know. whoever is reading this and whoever you tell) form a pact to discreetly point these little things out to each other before they are blowing in the wind, curling under our chin like Colonel Sanders, catching dandelion drifts. I’m not suggesting we sink to uttering things like, “Hey, Kim, time to shave!” in crowded rooms. But maybe we could have a few key phrases that the unsuspecting listener wouldn’t pick up on, yet would let us, the hairy, know that it’s time to GO PLUCK! Some suggestions:
“The successful gardner pulls the weed from the root.”
“In a hairy situation, remember: chin up!”
“Remember Daffy Duck’s ffriend Plucky Duck?”
Kim
Comments (9)
I remember standing and talking to a woman and seeing this long hair…. But I didn’t know her very well. I confess I did not say anything…but I’m obessive about checking the mirror for my own!
actually, I think chin hairs spontaneously appear. I am on a constant prowl for chin hairs after more than a few have snuck up on me..
I swear to always do a chin scan every time I am in your presence
thanks, C. i know i haven’t seen any of my closest mamas this week, so you’re all off the hook.
a few years back, at a sound check for a big show we were doing, i spotted a “rock-star-wife” sitting alone spacing out and slowly stroking her chin upward with the back of her index finger. i came up behind her and said, “you’re doing a chin-hair-check, aren’t you?” we were close friends from that day on.
kim
now, i did see you (i’m not one of the closest mamas! WAAAH! THUD ! ok you *kniow* i am just giving you shit, right?) but I admit it, I was SOOOOOOOOO tired, and i didnt probably even get to see your chin really, never mind its hair.
but please yes, let us make this pact, because MAUDE, they’re after me toooooo!
L – dropping off a cd disc for three seconds at your doorstep doesn’t count. nobody without super-powers could spot a chin hair under a porch light (“the power to spy hairs with inadequate lighting!”) and, btw, you know you are one of the CLOSEST mamas, oxoxoxox.
kim
damn – now that I read this I guess I have to accept the pact. I wish there had been some kind of warning at the top of the blog! I will say, however, that I saw you today, for more than a few minutes even, and I honestly did not notice anything sprouting. I wasn’t looking – but, still, I didn’t notice.
How about as a secret code phrase: “Hey, Kim. PLUCK YOU!” and give you the finger?? too aggressive?
Tiff – you know, so many people flip me off on a regular basis and my hearing is so questionable, that i’m afraid i’d be running to the bathroom with my tweezers constantly. that said, i really appreciate your highbrow contribution, professor.
kim
LOL, 3/4 of an inch??? That’s some kind of record. It sounds like your friends are going to be looking at your chin more now. Can’t wait to hear what secret code phrase they use. Like to hear Tiff say Pluck You would be priceless.
You can count on me to always point out unwanted chin hair and of course stuff between your teeth.