January 15, 2006
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WHY I SUCK AT FINDING A JOB. Here is my inner monologue while perusing the jobs section of the Sunday San Francisco Chronicle:
“Accounting – no. Activity Director – maybe, wait, old people? No. Administrative – yes, oh, advanced computer skills. No. Architect – I wish. Asphalt? No. Auto, Autobody, Automotive – no, no, no. Bakery – yum. Banking – no. Biotech? Caregiver – you’ve gotta be kidding, everyone knows I don’t care. Carpet, Chemist – no thank you. Computer? Yeah, um, no. Construction – with my knees and back? Counselor – see Caregiver. Dental – no. Driver – enough already. Editor! Yes, yes! Oh, audio/video, nevermind. Education – sounds great, too bad about the whole pre-requisite thing. Engineering….hahahaha. Environmental – must be volunteer work. Executive Assistant – been there, done that, and what exactly is so great about this Excel? Finance – investment risk? That would be me as a financial advisor. Oh, and the eight years related experience probably doesn’t mean balancing my checkbook. Fitness…snort. Healthcare…snort snort. Human Resources – not qualified. Maintenance, Management, Marketing Coordinator, Medical, Nursing – over and/or under qualified. Pharmacist, Pilot, Police, Printing – see above. Real Estate, Receptionist, Restaurant – need to actually MAKE money, not lose money with prospective job. Retail. Retail? Not in high school anymore, and secretly despise the general public. Sales – see general public, despising of. Security Guard – vigilante tendencies not a plus. Software, Tailor, Teacher, Telemarketing, Tree Climber. Tree Climber? Visual Effects – hmmmm, that sounds good. For Industrial Light and magic?! Cool! I pull off visual effects all the time – appearing to be a put-together mother-of-three, giving the impression that I am cooking healthful meals for my family, slight-of-hand minimal house cleaning for company, making my 185 pounds look like a svelte 178… Oh, they want compter graphics. I was thinking more old school. And that brings us to Warehouse Stocker – no.
Well, at least I’m trying.”
k
Comments (1)
My problem with actually looking through the want ads is, when I get to the Baker ad I think yum, then put the paper down and go and get a cookie thusly forgetting about what I was doing in the first place. So I am very impressed that you got all the way down to the Warehouse Stocker very impressed indeed.